Tag Archives: support

Am here, it’s monday…

No weigh in today.

But I went running this morning. I went up the hill on the walk that I started going up at the beginning of the year. It was my hard walk. Today I walked up the hill to the track that runs around the crown of the hill. Then I ran about 3/4 of that back to my starting point and I walked back down. It was cool, the sun was rising. And it was very good.

Especially very good as the small one woke when I got up and was really awake – none of this snoozing nonsense! My man got up to look after him so that I could go out. I am very grateful.

As I was coming back I remembered a couple of things. I know who I am. I like who I am. I don’t always manage everything, some things are harder to process than others. Some things I deal with pretty badly. But there are lots of things I am good at, there are lots of things about me that I like. I know who I am. I like who I am. That doesn’t change because of some issues that were very much front of head for the last couple of weeks. I got through the last couple of week. And today I got up and I did some exercise. And I agreed to make healthy choices for the rest of the day.

I need to not weigh in for a little while. I need to remove that ongoing challange with the scale and focus on making healthy choices consistently. I need to think of how I want to go forward next year. Having a plan this year was brilliant. But next year I need a different kind of plan and some different goals. This will be my focus for the next couple of weeks – that and getting through each day.

Official Weigh In Monday – Less than 100

Yeah Baby!
I got up this morning and jumped on the scales. I am so happy to be reporting on my stats today!

Starting weight: 140.9 kg (310 lbs) 3 Jan 2011
Today’s weight: 99.2 kg (218 lbs)
Loss since last Tuesday: 1.2 kg (3 lbs)
Total lost: 41.7 kg (91.7 lbs)

I am so thrilled :)To be less than 100kg was my goal for Christmas. And I have done it! My mind struggles to accept this because it seemed so far away when I started and I still have ‘fat girl’ as part of my identity. But ‘healthy for life’ is getting stronger; committing to the Up and Running program is really helping build this new aspect of me. (See Kaleidoscope View for more about what this means)

I had an excellent week last week. I exercised on 6 days, averaging at 47 minutes. Not including Saturday, my kJ intake averaged at 7900/day. And at the party, I did well.

I also asked for help last week and that was a big step for me. My man was amazing and his love and support was so evident in the way he helped me with the post party clean up. I have no idea what happened to all the left overs. For that I am extremely grateful.

Today I will celebrate. I will celebrate my weight loss and improved health and fitness. I will celebrate my waist and my curves. I will celebrate that I am strong and beautiful.

Post party wrap

The party was a lot of fun. We had a lot of people here and my man had a wonderful time.

And I did ok. At some point in the afternoon I got my chewing gum out. I wanted to eat – there were so many yummy things about but I could feel I was full. Chewing gum helped trick my brain for an hour. I did something different to the weekend before! I didn’t have any alcohol during in the afternoon, I know that I find it harder to focus when I have had a few drinks. But I also don’t like feeling deprived. So, I made some iced strawberry tea and mixed it with soda water and it tasted great and looked fab and it did not matter that I was not drinking alcohol.

After the party, it had been arranged that some of the girls with small ones would go out and have some cocktails. It was fun to dress up and go out and have some very pretty drinks. I had the fruity drinks rather than the creamy ones. And I looked very good 🙂 I wore a black fitted velvet sleeveless top with flattering pants. I felt good.

Today I am doing well. I did not sleep all that well, a sure sign that I had too much rich food yesterday. But this morning I am in a good place. I stepped on the scales and they are up but I have kept it below the three digits. I have had a light breakfast and I have been for a 60 minute walk up the hill. I am drinking plenty of water and now I have had my coffee my brain is working again. I will plan lunch and dinner soon to make sure there are fresh vegetables, some protein and carbs; simple and healthy. My man actually did most of the putting away last night when I was out. And he is amazing, there is actually very little food in the house that I would want to snack on today and take me off track. He is the best man.

I want to sleep well tonight, I have my Up and Running workout tomorrow morning 🙂

Celebrating success :)

I am not sure how I will go tomorrow on the scales. I had an ok week foodwise but with very little exercise. Things were just really busy. I was out on Friday night and then over the weekend I had a short trip to a family party. This morning I went for a good 45 minute walk with some jogging intervals but also had a small piece of cake (which was delicious!).

I am looking forward to getting in more exercise next week because I have really missed it.

At the party on Saturday night it was really good to see my extended family. I last saw them in mid December when I was at my heaviest. I recieved so many positive comments last night and it was just lovely to have their support and encouragement to keep going. I looked amazing, too, wearing one of my pink tops I bought a few weeks ago (see the pink entry here). And foodwise, I had taken carrot sticks, capsicum slices and cherry tomatos to put out with the chips/cheese/dips/crackers and I ate the vegetables. I did not have that much food for dinner and I skipped dessert entirely (I was really happy with that call, I did not feel like I missed out at all. How good is that!). For drinks, I made some unsweetened berry ice tea which I mixed with soda water and it was bubbly and pink and delicious. I didn’t want the alcohol with my special tea to hand 🙂

So, tomorrow, I will get up, weigh in and go for my morning walk. Whatever happens on the scale, I am ready to keep going. The scale is still an important measure for me but I also have other measures that are becoming more important – wanting to exercise, making good food choices and feeling good in my skin. These are, in the end, more important than the number 🙂

Hurray for non-scale victories

Hello!

This morning my man said ‘I can see the weight you’ve lost’. He is the first one to comment and it made me happy and I walked taller. Yay! He is the best man 🙂

And, on my walk this morning, I made it up to the path that goes round the hill without stopping for a breather on the way. It is not really steep, but the first 10 minutes of the walk is uphill and up till now, I have needed one or two breathers. I felt really good this morning. My fitness levels have increased.

And, I had a call from my Get Healthy Coach* this morning and it was good to check in with her and talk about my stress of the last two weeks. She is very supportive and helps me see things from a slightly different perspective.

And, you know when you wear clothes that are snug and you move your arms and the fabric moves with you? Well, some of my work clothes are getting loose and when I move my arms they now move inside the fabric.

* I am doing something called the Get Healthy Program which is run by the state govts here in Australia. It is a 6 months program and I get a coach who calls me every 2-3 weeks in that time. She is there for support and motivation and ideas and I am happy I signed up.

6 weeks completed

Today is weigh in day 🙂

Last week I did get a bad cold and was only able to exercise on Monday and then again yesterday. But I was really careful with my food and I am happy that I did pay close attention to it.

Start weight (3/1/11): 140.9kg (310 lbs)
Today’s weight: 128.9kg (283.6 lbs)
This week: -1.8kg (4 lbs)
Total Lost: 12kg (26.4 lbs)
That is an average loss of 2kg a week.

A couple things happened this week that were interesting, challenging and very thought provoking

I am now starting to think the weight loss needs to slow down. I am enjoying seeing the numbers go down and my clothes are starting to feel looser. But 2kg a week is alot and it is not sustainable. I have worked out a way to manage this. With the points system for food allocation, as you lose weight you also decrease the food allocation. So, for every 10kg I lose, I am supposed to drop a point’s worth of allocation. I was going to drop that point at about 125kg but have decided not to. To sensibly slow my weight loss I need to eat a little more. And this seems an easy way to manage it.

And while I was sick I started thinking about incorporating some resistance training. I have a couple of handweights that I could use. But I need a plan, I need a goal. So I started looking for ideas. I think I will give it a little longer while I build on the start I have made. I will get some equipment and work out a routine so that when I am ready to go, I will have all the tools in place.

And then.

My man wanted to have some friends over for lunch on Sunday and started suggesting things like fried haloumi burgers. I just started putting up road blocks. With my lack of exercise and feeling sick I just could not let go. He didn’t understand and I did not communicate very well because I was getting stressed about food I had not planned for. He gave in and told them lunch was not on offer that day and then, after about 30 minutes, I was able to explain the fear and the mental confusion that his simple suggestion had made. And it was ok, he might not understand exactly how I feel but he does support me and could follow my twisted logic.

And then, just because I was curious, I decided to work out what the healthy weight range is for my height. And with that I just melted into a puddle. It is so very far away. The very top of my healthy weight range for my height is 69.5 kg (153 lbs). Over half. Over half of my start weight. I thought if I got to 80 that would be ok, and 75 would be amazing. And both 80 and 75kgs would be so much better than where I am. But to be in the ‘healthy’ weight range… I would need to lose 71.4kg in total. I melted. I started freaking out. I went into uber-control mode and calculated all my food for the next day and worked out when I could exercise even though I had not fully recovered from the cold. My positive self talk kicked in but I just ended up cycling from despair to control freak.

I brushed my teeth and went to bed. My man came in and said he loved me and I just cried. How? How could someone find me attractive, desirable when I am this size. And I explained to him what I had been thinking. It was hard and I almost turned the light off so I could tell him in the dark and he would not be able to see my face but I left the light on and I gathered my thoughts and he held me as I cried. He did not try and solve things or really make suggestions. He just held me and tried to understand. I did not sleep well that night.

I am somewhat relieved that hormones played a part in my little melt down. I am also proud that I did not turn to chocolate to ease my tight chest and sooth my aching body. And this morning, my positive self talk was back and I was able to talk through what happened. See, my plan for this year is a 40 week plan. I have committed to 40 weeks and am aiming for a 35kg loss in that time. And then for the 10 weeks before Christmas I would like to lose another 6kg to make it to 100kg. My plan never included reaching my healthy weight range this year, so I don’t really need to worry about it. I just keep saying ’40 weeks and 40 by Christmas’. Down the track I will come back to the BMI guides but that is not part of this years plan. I need to let go of the number and focus on today’s choices. And the reason I like my plan is because it is challenging but achievable. I know what I look like at about 100kg and I have a photo of my on the fridge at about that size to remind me. I have lost 30kg in 6 months on a past attempt, so I know I can I have a plan that is achievable and realistic, I am eating food I enjoy, have the tools to track, the support to help and next year is another challenge. I don’t forget but I can’t let it overwhelm me.

A crazy up and down week. But I finished it with a commitment to moving forward, staying focussed and shifting weight.

Learning to trust my man with my food

Ahrgh! The heat! Tomorrow is expected to be about 10’C cooler than it was today and I am really looking forward to that. Tomorrow I am going walking and I am looking forward to that too.

This morning I asked my man if he wanted to cook dinner. He responded with – do you want me to cook dinner? Grrr. Part of my mind screamed NOOOOO but there is another part of me, the part that wants to look long term, that said yes. For the last 5 weeks I have had almost complete control of my food and it is hard giving that to someone else. But he likes to cook, that is one of the things I like about him and I want him to cook for me. So, I said yes.

He is really wonderful. He lets me ask what he is making, how much oil is he going to use, what else is in the sauce, can you weigh the meat and the wedges so that I can track it. I always make sure I have a good amount of my food allowance allocated to dinner when he is cooking because I don’t want him to feel really restricted in what he chooses to cook. And tonight, dinner came in just fine. You see, he wants to support me, he wants me to meet my goals and tries to help me meet my goals. I can trust him to be aware of my needs when he cooks. He is really wonderful.